Monday, August 3, 2009

Mom's Rules of the House

To my dear readers,


I thought you might like a little peek into what constitutes rules at my house.

Here we go.


1. If you make a mess, CLEAN IT UP! (I know wishful thinking, still, a girl can always dream)


2. If you go in my sewing room don't make a mess. (this one may seem a bit ironic, seeing as how my sewing room IS a big mess already. But hey, it's MY mess. Don't you dare mess with MY mess.)


3. If you go out, Shut The DOOR!


4. If you come in Shut The DOOR!


5. If mom asks you nicely, to do something, compliance is NOT optional.


6. If mom yells at you to get back here and do that job, it's probably because you ignored rule #5.


7. If you go, Flush! If it won't flush, then, Go. Get. The. PLUNGER!


8. Along those same lines, if you GO, then you better WASH! (this one especially applies to Shawn and Lorelai.) Although Lorelai has gotten much better.


9. If you bring home restaurant leftovers, eat them.
If they are in the refrigerator for more than 5 days, kiss them goodbye. (because I will toss them.)


10. Don't open more than one tube of toothpaste, bar of soap or bottle of shampoo at a time. (This one is almost exclusively meant for Shawn.)


11. Don't you DARE get peanut butter in the jam. (If you have to, use two knives.)



12. Don't go crazy making color copies unless you plan to buy the next ink refill.


13. Stay OUT of medicine unless you ask mom FIRST! (Another rule applying almost exclusively to Shawn.)


14. If the phone rings more than 6 times without mom answering it, check caller ID. If it's someone we know, and generally like to talk to, then please answer it. If it is someone you don't know, it probably means it's for dad, and it's still ringing, because mom, is refusing to answer it. Because she is sick of being his secretary while he is away. Therefore if you answer it under these conditions. . . . don't call ME to pick it up. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN!


15. Don't waste a paper towel when a cloth one will do.


16. Consequently, if you use a cloth towel to clean up a mess, don't you dare hang it back up. . . . put it in the DIRTY clothes!


17. No swearing. (mom is exempt from this rule but only if she is REALLY FURIOUS about something.)


18. If a Salesman comes to the door, call mom. (Why should you get all the fun.)

19. Never, and I DO mean NEVER, park behind my van when it is in the garage. (Donald, Jeff. . .you know exactly what I mean.)

20. Everyone is in charge of their own junk mail. Stop leaving it on the kitchen counter. Dad and I bought a super heavy duty, cross cut, SHREDDER several months ago.
USE IT.



21. If you turn on a light, (any light) turn it off when you are done. (do you have any idea what a pain it is to replace that little lightbulb UNDER the microwave?)

22. NO COOKING BACON IN THE HOUSE! AND IF YOU DO IT, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND I HAVE TO SMELL IT, I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS!!!!!!


23. To assure Pleasantness, and a general atmosphere of Harmony. Always employ the GOLDEN RULE.

amen

10 comments:

Alicia said...

First, this totally made me smile.

Second, I love it. We had the same rule about the peanut butter and jam growing up. It was definitely one of my mom's pet peeves.

KaTrina said...

lol that was great :)

Lisa said...

A fantastic list of rules if I ever saw one!

If I may add one (though hopefully it doesn't apply at your house): Dirty clothes go in a hamper. Any hamper. NOT on the floor, and especially not RIGHT NEXT to the hamper!

=)

Jennybell said...

Susan is so lucky to have a mother in law with rule #7. After my(GAG) last (GAG) trip (GAG) to my (GAG) mother in laws (GAG GAG GAG). I think it should be a rule for everyone!

Marilyn said...

Susan, you are right. One of your best, and so so many of your rules hit the nail on the head so perfectly. Namely:

- the bacon rule. I can NOT stand the smell of cooking bacon and the way it lingers in the air and in my clothes.
- the answering the phone rule. If a phone call comes in and I don't know who it is, or if I can tell it is a solicitor, I do not answer it, but often, one of my children, elsewhere in the house, WILL answer it and then they yell for me to pick it up and I think, "What the...?" I don't want to talk to that loser, that's why I DIDN"T ANSWER IT!!!!!
- the paper towel rule. Brandon is the culprit at our house. He has the habit of grabbing a paper towel to dry his hands rather than a hand towel and it drives me crazy because he leaves the paper towel roll all caddy-wompus [sp?] after grabbing it, and I always question him as to why he can't just use a towel...he has yet to give me a sufficient answer!

I love the way you think Susan!

Hey, by the way, I was just wondering what your reunion plans are? Will you be there? How many of your family? I haven't heard from hardly any Brinkerhoffs yet... I really hope you guys are planning on attending :)

Mike Brinkerhoff said...

Wow, it had honestly never occurred to me to wonder how to spell caddywompus... And no matter how I try, it looks weird... What a great word!

Love the list Su, especially all the ones that apply "almost exclusively to Shawn!"

Stephanie said...

You are so funny. I love your rules.

Jeanette said...

I'm glad you redirected me. I would have missed this post entirely!

It is sad, but most of our FHE are establishing or restating household rules.

-my husband uses 2 paper towels at a time. It irritates me. Maybe that should go in my rules?!

Jeanette said...

I hope you got my address. I emailed it to you. :)

Amy J. said...

You are so right!! This is a really great post. I love it and by darn I think I have to agree with the whole dang thing! (Although number 14 is my absolute favorite!!!! With number 17 a close second!) Can't wait to see you at the reunion!!!! :)