Answers for Sarah

If you read my daughter-in-law Lisa's blog then you know that our dear little Elisabeth has had surgery this week to have a feeding tube inserted.
Someone left a rather disturbing comment on one of her posts. The commenter, Sarah's, remarks are in red and Lisa's are in green. (her favorite color)

I have only recently began reading your blog, and am very very curious if you knew about Elizabeths condition prior to being born? If so, how early on did you know?

Hi Sarah,Yes, I knew that Elisabeth had hydrocephalus and that it would most likely lead to many other disabilities....I just didn't know what those would be until after she was born.She was diagnosed with hydrocephalus when I was 16 weeks pregnant.Thanks for reading my blog :)


Was terminating the pregnancy ever considered? The suffering Elizabeth must be going through hardly seems fair. In any case, I wish you the best, and hope that Elizabeth will have some semblance of a normal life if/when she gets older.



Here is the beautiful post Lisa published in answer to Sarah's concerns.

In regards to your comment(s) on my 'Out of Surgery' post: No, I never ever, not even for one second, considered terminating the pregnancy. And while you think that her suffering is 'not fair', I would say that it is a far better option than death. Yes, she has felt pain. Yes, she is limited both physically and mentally. But, she has felt the wind on her face and she has heard the sound of birds chirping; she has laughed and she has played; she has been the recipient of many kind acts of service and love; she has a family that completely adores her. Aren't these all things worth living for?As far as you hoping that she can someday have a 'normal life', I would like to say that she is living a very charmed little life right now. She is showered with love and does not know of evil or hatred or fear. Yes, she has her own little trials, but don't we all? Anyways, it's not about the trials we face, but how we face them. And Elisabeth, she faces them with courage and strength.
I am honored to be her mother.

I started to leave this as a comment but just like my last post decided to do it as a post instead.
Just so you know, I'm not angry at Sarah for asking and insinuating what she did.

Neither is Lisa.

We realize that there are many people in this world that feel the way Sarah does about these kinds of things.

How sad.

A while ago I read a statistic that 90 % of Down Syndrome babies are aborted. I have no idea what the abortion rate for children like Elisabeth is, but I'm sure it must be high.

As I already stated, I'm not angry at Sarah. I don't hate her. I just feel sad that she has such a tainted, pessimistic, bleak and hollow view of the world.

I really doubt that she will even find her way over here to my blog but just in case, here is my answer to her.

Dear Sarah, if you are still reading I would like to shed a little more light for you.

Elisabeth isn't the first child in our family to be born "imperfect".

I am Lisa's Mother-in-law and Elisabeth's adoring grandma. We are a doubly blessed family because my youngest son, Shawn, 23 years old is mentally retarded as well as autistic.

And he is one of my greatest JOYS in life.

He is quite high functioning but he will always need looking after. He participates in several ARC activities as well as attending many church activities with the young adult group of our church.

Shawn lives about as perfect a life as anyone ever could.

All of my children have learned to have a true love of disabled people because of their brother Shawn.
I know for a fact that Lisa and Donald would have loved and accepted Elisabeth no matter what, but I can't help but think that their experiences with Shawn have helped them to understand just how perfect an "imperfect" life can be.

The following, is one of my favorite little Elisabeth stories.

From the day we first realized that Elisabeth had severe vision problems, I was determined to make sure that she knew her grandma. I would get right down next to her when she was on a blanket on the floor, I would take her dimpled little hand and put it on my face and in her perfect sweet little ear I would say "Elisabeth, it's Grandma!"

Every single time this is how I would greet this dear little grandaughter.

For months I never really got a response. I didn't get discouraged though. I just kept on trying.

Finally, one day, (I think Elisabeth must have been around seven months or so), I got down and did my usual, "Hi Elisabeth. It's GRANDMA!"

Not really expecting a response.

All of a sudden, I look at her and she is SMILING! Just grinning from ear to ear. As well as bouncing, kicking and reaching.

Reaching for ME that would be.

That was an exciting moment for me. The very first time that I knew that Elisabeth knew who her grandma was.

Some of little E's happiest times are when we are all gathered together as a family and she can sit back and hear all of the voices of the people she loves best.

Lisa, didn't mention this but I will.

My daughter Heidi (Lisa and the girls stayed with her this last week in Spokane) told me the other day of how excited Elisabeth got when her two big sisters were allowed to finally see her in the hospital.

The minute Elisabeth heard her sister's voices she just went wild with happiness. She grabbed them and hugged and kissed them, and smiled for miles.

Sarah, I don't know what your definition of a happy, normal, worthwhile life would be.

But as far as this grandma is concerned,

My grandaughter Elisabeth has one of the best, the happiest, the most cherished, loved and adored, the most worthwhile, lives of anyone I know.

And as far as normal goes,

Could someone please explain to me just what a normal life is.

Strength

I started to leave this as a comment on my friend Libbie's blog but realized that I should use it as a post for my blog instead.

You know how long winded I can be.

You can go here to read Libbie's post which, funny as these things sometimes are, was inspired by a post of one of her friends.

I guess you could think of this as one of those really nice Circle-Of-Life things.

This beautifully written post really resonated with me today. Not just the words, as uplifting as they are, but for me the timing as well.

I just got home from a trip to get some blood drawn and then a bit of shopping to make it all better, and, while driving home, I started thinking how every single person I had contact with today was a woman.
I felt good that I had been sure to be as kind and grateful as possible to each of them,
especially the one who had to poke me twice because she couldn't get blood on her first try.

Anyway, I started thinking about how much strength there is in womanhood, but also how for some weird reason, women also seem to be hardwired to distrust and be overly judgemental of each other.

How sad that is.

Most often, during the first twenty years or so of a woman's life, the public schooling years to be even more specific, if a girl is being bullied, belittled, shamed, or in any other way mistreated by her peers, it is almost always at the hand of other girls.

Why is it that, so often, instead of being loyal, helpful and supportive of each other, our first instinct upon coming into contact with a woman we don't know is to size her up.

Is she more attractive than me? Deduct ten points.
Better dressed? Lop off another fifteen.
Better educated? Better hair? Nicer shoes? More at ease?

Left unchecked, these primal feelings can turn into feelings of mistrust and dislike before the "competition" has even uttered a complete greeting.

Why do we do this to each other?

I find myself seething with anger when I think of all the injustice that has been rained down on women since almost the beginning of time.

But I sometimes wonder, is it possible that our courser instinct to distrust and have contempt for each other, could be, even a miniscule factor, in the way that women have historically been treated as inferior to men.

There is strength in numbers after all.

When women band together, when we learn to accept and appreciate each other for not only those traits we have in common but for the differences we have as unique individuals.

Good things happen.

I think of my daughters, I include my beloved daughter-in-law in the tally. I think of my mother and grandmothers. My sisters and two cherished sister-in-laws.

My aunts and cousins.

And then I move on to my friends.

Those that I know well, as well as those I assume, some might think of as mere acquaintances.

To me they will be counted as friends.

The women that I have gotten to know that work at some of my favorite shopping spots.

Shelly, Caroline, Ruthie, at JoAnns.

Dandi, who never groans or rolls her eyes when I bring, yet another thing with the tag missing, back to Shopko.

Sue at Target, who every time I'm in her line, asks about my daughter Courtney, who hasn't worked there for over a year, but Sue still asks after her and I know for a fact that her inquiries are genuine and sincere.

The women, who's names I can't remember, who do remember me, at the Fred Meyer Pharmacy.

Yolanda, today at Penny's who was so helpful and pleasant.
Don't worry,
I WILL do the survey,
I WILL mark Highly Satisfied for each question and I
WILL write in your name!

So many women in my life.

Sisters.

All of them sisters.

Even the few women that for whatever reason I may not particularly like.

After all, we can't love everyone. (Just being honest here.)

But I do know that if it ever came down to a matter of life and death, if it was within my power to make the world right, even for one of those sisters that I don't really like.

I hope that I could come through for them. Could I? Would I?

Should I?

The answer is obvious.

Yes. I should. We are sisters.

We can either be our own worst enemies or each other's greatest strength. I will try to always remember this. No matter the situation. Carry on Sister, and don't worry.

We'll always have your back!

Exciting news about Kelly

I got a call from CBC, the local community college that my son Kelly attends, late yesterday morning.
I was told that a poem he had submitted to their yearly writers contest won first prize.

I didn't even know that he had entered.

I was so excited for him. He was actually at school at the time and I never call his phone if I know that he's in class so I had to wait for him to get home to give him the good news. I wasn't totally clear on just what he had won. I thought that Gwen, the woman who had called me with the news might have said he won the top prize of the whole competition.
We found out this morning that it was first prize in the poetry division not the grand prize over all.

I don't mind though. I'm just so thrilled and pleased and proud and all of those other emotions that you would expect me to be feeling.

The awards ceremony is tomorrow night.

They want Kelly to read his poem to the audience.

If you would like to read it for yourself, here is a link to his post that he just did telling all about it.

Now, I only have one thing to worry about.



What to wear?