The Accidental Vegetarian

I am just a little frustrated by something. Now normally I tend to be a pretty good cook. I don't eat much of what I make though, because for about a year now I have lost all my taste for food. I do mean that literally. Most food, even the smell of it turns my stomach. And yes I have been very slowly losing weight.

Very slowly.

I really don't get it though. I used to love steak. And Prime Rib? A good slab of Prime Rib with some mild super creamy horseradish sauce. AAAAAAHHHHH. And then there was seafood. Shrimp, Prawns, Lobster even Salmon. More AAAAAAHHHHH.

Well that is all in the past for me now. Especially with beef. Even the really great Tri-Tip Steak my son Donald has been making lately. I really enjoy the first bite, and then? Gag City! Eating has become so awful for me 89% of the time that I would say it has become one of my major stressors. Most the time, if there was a pill I could take that would give me everything I need, and keep me full, I could completely give up food.

Pretty much the only things these days I can eat and enjoy are sweets. Candy, cookies, brownies, cake, and, fortunately, fruit. I do eat a lot of fruit. And yes I know that those are bad things to eat. (Well not the fruit of course.) But not to worry I usually don't even eat dessert, I just like knowing it's there if I do want it. I have let slip of course my love affair with jujyfruits. Oh if some food scientist could only come up with a nutritionally dense jujyfruit. Heaven!

One problem though.I still love the idea of going out to eat. The idea, that is.

Here is how it goes. ME; "Don lets go to Olive Garden tonight. They have a couple of new dishes that looked really good to me."
DON; " All right that's fine. Let's go." (See how that is? Don sometimes is way too easy.)
So here we have Susan and Don headed to Olive Garden. Tum tum tum de dum dum. Susan and Don arrive at Olive Garden and after a wait (sometimes long, sometimes short. It all depends on how early you have gotten there) Now we find Susan and Don, seated at their table perusing the menu.
Don is not a problem, he gets the same thing every time. The only problem he faces is how upset he gets to see that the price of his Portabello Mushroom Ravioli has gone up AGAIN!
And Me? Well lets just say that I have suddenly remembered something quite problematic.

I don't like food anymore.

And everything on the menu, even what I had just seen on a commercial four hours ago, looks, for some reason, not quite so good anymore. Of course the pressure is on now. Don knows what he wants. Don is ready to order. And of course since I have dragged him here just for this one new dish, wouldn't you think that I should be ready to order too. So it comes as a little bit of a surprise when I tell the waiter that I need more time.

Now it is time to give Don some really good credit. I'm sure he saw that coming, Susan always changes her mind when she actually has the menu in front of her. If Don is annoyed though he doesn't show it. Don is such a Goooood Husband. He just wants me to be happy.
After a good ten to fifteen minutes I am ready to order.

I order the new dish that I came for.

I guess I just need to go through the formalities of the menu search, to feel like I am getting the most out of my dining experience. The waiter brings my salad. Don always gets the soup. Don eats most the bread sticks, which is okay with me, I need just one and it will last me through the whole meal. I guess the taking of the one bread stick is from habit more than anything, because I just don't really care for them anymore either.

Our meals show up. And yes, I always want lots of grated Parmesan on mine. Cheese for Don? No thanks.

I look at my plate. Believe it or not most the time it looks and smells really good. I am thinking that I will be able to eat a lot of it. Well I take one bite. Good, good, it tastes every bit as good as the really stupid commercial made it sound.

SIDE TRACK:
Have you ever noticed just how idiotic Olive Gardens commercials are? I HATE the one where everyone, has just been presented with their food and the idiot Father says how much he likes their family tradition. Clueless younger daughter asks "what tradition is that?" Stupid father says "the tradition where we pass our dinner to the left." Now, even more clueless, younger daughter says "when did that become a tradition?" and of course the ignorant father says "when you ordered that!"

What a STUPID commercial.

If he wanted what she ordered then why the hell didn't he order it????? I hate that commercial. There's also the one where the waitress is asking the upwardly mobile looking couple what reason they are there for and after saying no to her inane questions of Birthday? Anniversary? They say, because it's Thursday!

All I have to say is, "Shoot me now."

Well back to me and Don at Olive garden (before our food gets cold).
I usually manage to eat about five bites, sometimes a few more. The problem is that after the third bite or so, it is starting to taste really bad. I keep gagging down as much as I can because I don't want to be hungry later. But I can only push it so far.

You see, I have a problem with throwing up my guts in the middle of Olive Garden.

Long story short. I tell the waiter I need a to go box. My plate is looking like I haven't eaten much of anything. It looks like that because it's true, I haven't eaten much of anything. One time a waitress actually said to me "wow, why did you come in if you didn't want to eat?" She got a small tip from us that night. I mean, the nerve!

Well, this is the sad culinary mess my life has become. I have found a few protein bars that I can usually choke down with a glass of milk. I was shopping at Walmart today and I discovered that just plain Special K cereal has like 9 grams of protein per serving. Good news, good news. Protein is the one thing that I need more of and it is sadly mostly found in the foods I can no longer stand.

I just have to wonder, has anyone ever became a vegetarian through no fault of their own?

I don't know. I never have liked to think about the animals being slaughtered to feed my meat habit. It was never enough to make me become an omnivore though. And to be honest it still isn't. It's horrible to say, but everyone has their lot in life.

Even cows.

Oh come on, I only half meant that. So anyone out there from PETA just leave me alone!

I really do see myself as becoming a vegetarian by default. That means that I'm not a conscientious objector, I just can't stand the stuff. And if for some reason my needs change and I suddenly like meat again, I will be right back on the old chuck wagon in no time.


In the meantime I will just enjoy my "bad for me, I know", Jujyfruits.