How can I be happy when I am so sad?

After 51 years of being alive (June 6 1957), and almost 32 years of marriage (Oct 28 1976). After giving birth to and then raising five lovely children. After several varied (some enjoyed others barely tolerated) Church callings. After having my tonsils out when I was six, and having my mangled ( a slight exaggeration, but not by much) chin sewn up when I was twelve, and so many bouts of flu, colds, plenty of cavities, and on top of all that, coming down with childhood diseases that are now relics thanks to immunization.

After all these things and several more, I have finally learned the BIG SECRET.
No, not the secret to become wealthy, or to live a long life.

Nothing that glamorous.

I have simply learned the secret of how to be happy.

The big secret to happiness is really no secret at all, basically I just learned to start listening to the advice that people older and wiser than me are more than willing to share.

That would be to stop thinking you can only be happy when certain conditions are met. To stop thinking, "Well, when I drop those last fifty pounds THEN I will be happy". Or, "I will be happy when we finally get that new house that I want so badly".

These things can bring short term happiness, but if that is how you decide to interpret happiness, you will never be truly happy.

Look at how many people there are who seemingly have everything their heart desires. They are no happier than we normal people and quite often much less so.

So really, there is only one way to be truly happy. And that is to just plain decide to be happy.

Think about all the blessings you have. Think about the people you love that will never desert you. Think about the things you know and the things you can do. And then realize that no matter how many strengths and weaknesses you have, it doesn't matter, it is entirely up to you how happy you choose to be.

All right enough preaching, and sorry I got off on such a tangent. My point is simply that I decided quite a few years ago to be happy.

I like being happy. It makes me happy to be happy.

Not that there aren't times when situations come about that make me deeply sad. Do you realize that it's actually possible to be happy and sad at the same time. It is. I have actually been experiencing quite a lot of the happy-sad thing lately.

This is what I'm really writing this post for.

I'm going to be a little gloomy now, so if you don't want to read any farther I guess you can stop now. I doubt you will though, because I have noticed just how loving, helpful, and encouraging most people really are. And don't worry. I'm not asking for anything (well maybe prayers) I just mostly need to vent. Venting is a really important thing to do sometimes, I feel.

First sad thing, and actually, right now, the biggest thing preying on my mind.

My daughter Heidi called yesterday in the early evening. She mostly talked to Don. I was sitting right beside him though so I could tell something was really wrong. It turns out that when she came home yesterday after running a few errands, her husband Jeff was at home. She asked him why he was home so early. It was really hard for him to tell her, but it turns out that he had just been informed that he was being laid-off.

Poor Heidi is devastated. Of course Jeff is too. They have really worked to get to the point in their lives where things are running quite smoothly. They were able to buy their first house about two years ago.

That house has been such a blessing for them.

Before, the girls really had nowhere to play. The apartment they were living in had nothing in the way of a play area. It was not a good situation at all.

Heidi has loved having her own home. She has worked so hard to decorate it and make it a warm, cozy, haven for them all.

Now they don't know what is going to happen. The sad thing is, Jeff was so good at his job. He has worked for the Red Lion Co. for I think at least nine years now. He started off as a lowly front desk person and within just a few years they moved him to Salt Lake to be second in command of their big Salt Lake property.

Hotel management and Jeff just really clicked.

For the last few years, since they came back to Washington to live in Spokane, Jeff has been doing Revenue Management. It looked like his job was as secure as any job could be.
On top of that, the head management really liked him and were really impressed with what a competent and capable employee he was.
He was told yesterday that they weren't happy at all to have to let him go. They have no choice however. The whole company is struggling and they have had to lay off a large number of people.

Heidi is so scared about what will happen to them now. Jeff has already started looking into new jobs, but with the economy in the shape it is (after all, that's what has caused this whole thing) they just aren't sure at all what to do.

I am so sad and troubled by this. I don't think I've had more than an hour or two today when it hasn't been on my mind in a big way.

Sad thing number two. My mom.

My mom has been having horrible pain in her hip this last month or so. It has gotten so bad that she couldn't even come with me last Thursday, which is the day I always get her and take her out to lunch and then out to do whatever shopping she needs to do.

Our Thursdays out, are always one of the high-lights of her week.

I have taken her to her orthopedic surgeon at least three times in the last month. She has had two different cortisone shots, one of them needed to be done in the hospital it was such a delicate procedure.

None of this did any good at all.

Well, my sister Janice called me Sunday morning and asked if I had talked to mom yet. I told her no I hadn't. Apparently mom was in such bad shape that she hadn't been able to even get out of her bed that morning. When one of the nurses came to check on her (she hadn't gone down to breakfast) she saw that mom couldn't move at all. They (her retirement home) called 911. She was taken to the hospital.

Janice and I didn't know what to think of that.

It turns out that it was the best thing that could have happened to her. A new X-ray was taken and finally a hairline crack showed up in her hip. We learned that this was what had been causing her all the pain. It was decided that surgery would be necessary. A couple of pins needed to be put into the bone to heal the fracture.

The problem now was a big debate among her doctors..

Mom has a weak heart. She actually needs heart surgery but her cardiologist says that it would most likely kill her, so it's not really an option. The Orthopedic Surgeon who was given mom's case, (not her normal Dr) looked at her heart pictures and said that it wasn't as bad as everyone thought and that he felt the odds of her surviving the hip surgery, were actually quite high. This was a real relief to Janice and me.

Now please understand, we are not ghouls, and we don't have a death wish for mom, but we did feel that the surgery would be a win-win situation. Either the surgery would succeed and the pain would be relieved, or she would die during the operation and her mortal problems would come to an end.
Ever since a little over a year ago, when my dad died, mom has been especially depressed and is constantly saying she wishes she could just die and join him. Her life isn't a total picnic. She is on dialysis three times a week. She has arthritis in just about every joint in her body, causing varying degrees of pain. And she lives in a Retirement home.

She has a really hard time finding happiness.

I think she still has a lot of things to be happy for, but she just can't seem to see it that way.

Well the surgery went well. The doctor was quite encouraged. We were very relieved. And mom is even in better spirits. Janice has pointed out that we aren't in the clear yet though. Mom has had quite a history of pulling through surgery's only to have other serious problems develop a few days later. I guess you could say that we are cautiously happy for mom, at the moment. I guess this isn't such a sadness anymore. I just hope that she can get back to the mobility that she enjoyed before all this came up.

Well here I have come to sadness number three. This is one that many of you are already aware of.

My sweet baby grandaughter Elisabeth.

I love this little angel with all my heart. She is such a precious little spirit.

I know that we should be thrilled that she lived to be born and that we just celebrated her first birthday. And we are.

Believe me we truly appreciate every second with this special little girl.

It's just that she has been having these horrible infantile spasms for many months now, and every remedy that has been tried has failed. It is just so hard to love a little person so much, and to know that things are going so poorly for her. Donald and Lisa are wonderful as you probably know, but it doesn't stop us from being discouraged when each and every treatment fails and the ones left, have more and much worse possible side effects.

I love this sweet baby grandaughter of mine though and whatever happens I know that God will help our family through it.

Well, these are the problems that have been concerning me lately. I'm sorry for such a long gloomy post. The thing is though, I am still a mostly happy person. I find things in my life every day that bring me joy. I love my life. It isn't perfect at all. I need a lot of work on becoming a better person. I need to learn to not have a quick (maybe volatile would be a better description) temper. I need to be more patient with the ones I love.

I need to work on all these things and more.

But somehow in spite of all these things, I still think of myself as a mostly happy and content person. I just really believe that,

LIFE IS GOOD!!!