Disclaimer: I apologize for the huge margins. I was tired and didn't feel like taking the time to fix things after adding the picture of the . . . well read on and see.

Okay. Okay. I know. Time for a new post. It's amazing just how fast three weeks without a new post can go by.
I have one small happy to share and one semi serious "what I would do if".

My Small Happy;

This morning I just happened to look at the package of Oreo's on my dresser that Don bought last week and has been slowly eating for the last several days. All by himself.

I try to resist the Oreo temptation.
In fact I can honestly say that Don had pretty much had the entire bag to himself.

However,

This morning I looked at the empty package that had somehow managed to get polished off without any help from me.

I nudged it. You know? to make sure that it was indeed empty?!?


Yup. Just as I figured.

Empty.

One dead bag of Oreo's.
Or was it?


I looked inside.

Just to satisfy my curiosity before I toss it away. of course


Empty. Empty. empty. . . empty?????

Wait!

One small crumb. Just cookie. No cream.

Don't mind if I do.
Waaaait!

Do I see a larger flash of dark brown?

Way back in the way back.

One. Lonely. Forgotten. Oreo.

Wellll???

Well what? Of course I ate it. How lovely to have the one, last, almost undiscovered, Oreo.

Just one small problem. An unforeseen little dilemma concerning the dynamics of eating the LAST Oreo.

Do you know how frustrating it is to not be able to reach in and have. . . .

ONE

MORE

OREO???????

Now for my "What I would do IF"

You know how there are always old ladies who drench themselves in the most nasty obnoxious smelling perfumes ever. It's like you smell them coming five minutes before you can even spot them. And the stench of their favorite fragrance usually lingers in the air for hours afterwards.

And heaven FORBID you ever wind up in an elevator with a few of the red hatted dears who have apparently gone swimming in the stuff before descending on the mall.

Oh yes. I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Well this is what I have decided to do if I ever end up winning a really big lottery. Well or making it rich in some other unlikely way.

I would go to every store. Every place wherever. Within, say, a 50 mile radius of Kennewick. Anywhere that they still sell one of the absolute worst smelling "Old Lady" Perfumes of all time.
Windsong

And buy up every single, retched, reeking, nasty smelling bottle of the stuff I can find. Then take it to the closest incinerator and destroy it all.

BWAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAA!!!! yes that's right cue the evil laugh

Avon used to have an equally horrible fragrance called Bird of Paradise. If you ever come across a rogue bottle of it please do what ever it takes to destroy it.

If I have offended anyone by this post, please realize that first of all

I. DON'T. CARE.

And second, be happy that you know once and for all that the people who run when they smell you coming aren't being rude at all.

It is simply an act of

Self preservation!

A few of Susan's rules to live by

I have a few little rules I try to follow as I navigate through this experience we call life. For the most part I follow them without even thinking. They have become that ingrained into my thought process.

Occasionally I'll take shortcuts. And sometimes nothing bad happens.

But there have been a few times when, well, let's just say that I'm sure I'm not the only one who has faced a major screw-up or two.

In no particular order, or degree of seriousness, are some of the little things I have learned along the way that I am willing to share.

******************Susan's rules to follow********************

1.) Don't buy the first TV you see. In fact, if you have the time, don't buy it from the first store you visit. You can always go back you know. If you don't have the time to do a little comparison shopping then you're better off waiting a bit. (this goes for cars, houses, and bedroom furniture too.)

1. b.) There will ALWAYS be another REALLY GOOD DEAL!

2.) Don't race up escalators.
It's RUDE, and you could hurt someone. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life remembering the look on the face of the little girl you almost knocked down?

3.) If you don't know where you are going, then ask. If you get halfway there and still feel unsure, ask again! (This isn't meant for traveling. That's why GPS was invented. This is for those times when you are trying to find the right office, department, or person in charge.)

4.) If it doesn't look good on the model, there is no chance in, you know where, it's going to look good on YOU.

5.) Always wash your hands afterwards. Whatever afterwards may consist of, is no one's business but yours.

6.) If a nice thought goes through your head about someone (i.e. the person taking your payment, the woman sharing the elevator with you, the waitress bringing you your food, your friend, your sister or brother, anyone you have any contact with) then share it with them. It makes everyone feel good, and for all you know it could be just what that person needed to hear.

7.) If you really can't stand someone, try to remember that God loves them too. It's still fine to not like them, but at least you will have put things in a better perspective.

8.) Forgiveness is usually more for your benefit than the one you forgive. (That makes it a little easier I think)

9.) There's nothing wrong in questioning the things you are taught.

10.) Don't steal a parking space that you know someone is already waiting for.

11.) Don't go to a movie you really don't want to see just because every one else wants to. You know your own limits, stick to them!

12.) This one is SO obvious, but I will still include it.
If something sounds too good to be true, it almost always IS!


I have a lot more of these little "rules", as I'm sure most of you do too. In fact I would love for you to share a few of yours with me. I am always willing to learn from others and hear the things that matter to them.

(Not that I won't ever question it, of course.)

Some REALLY wishful thinking

The other night I was hungry. It was about 7 in the evening and I really needed to think of something to eat. My problem is that I don't like hardly anything resembling real food any more.

This happens to me all the time.

I hardly ever make dinner more than two or three times during the week. I always make sure Shawn has a good dinner. (Thank you Donald and Lisa for the George Forman grill for Christmas) I can throw something in there, and in a few, I can serve him up a nice plate of grilled chicken, steak or pork with an accompaning baked potato or some other Shawn friendly side dish.

For the most part Don is usually (somewhat) willing to fend for himself.

He'll warm up leftovers from the few nights I do cook. He's also perfectly happy with a bowl of hot Campbell's, stuffed so full of crackers that you have to wonder if there really is any soup in there.

As for me, finding something to eat most nights can be extremely difficult, frustrating and stressful.

For the last several years, I have had to stand by and watch my
(once healthy) appetite turn into a . . . . .

meat hating,

egg loathing,

taco,

lasagna,

pizza,

sandwich,

chili,

spaghetti,

stir fry,

fried chicken,

turkey and gravy,

Mexican,

Italian

and

Chinese food
cringing,

BEAST!

I can barely stand to eat, more than a miniscule portion, of any of that stuff.
This is why, last Wednesday evening, around sevenish, I was in my kitchen, holding my refrigerater door open,

(open, I should mention, for much longer than I would ever allow one of my children or grandchildren to)

Trying my hardest to think of something to eat that would semi fill me up, for at least the next few hours, until I was ready to pack it in for the night, and begin, my only, slightly less stressful, efforts to get a good night's sleep.

Well as I stood there warming up the fridge and all of it's contents, I couldn't help but notice the can of Redi Whip.

Yes, you heard that right!

R E D I - W H I P

That upside down squirt can of sweet, creamy, goodness that will never, ever, be matched by the bland, artificial efforts of those Cool Whip making pretenders.

Can anyone truthfully resist the temptations, NO, the siren call of a nice, cold, red and white can of fresh, real cream, Redi Whip.

Well actually, yes, someone can. My son Donald. For some freakish reason he has never liked whipped cream in any of it's delicious forms.

I grabbed that can, held it upside down, right above my open mouth, and squirted AWAY.

And then, squirted some more.

And more.

Oooooh yes, for a few short moments, I was in heaven.

Of course I stopped myself after a few mouthfuls. I am a grown up. I am well aware of the fact that a can of Redi Whip, no matter how delicious and satisfying, does not a proper dinner make.

I don't even remember just what I settled on that night for dinner.

I think I had a cup of hot Chocolate Instant Breakfast, a Jonagold apple, (yes, those Jonagold apples) and a small hand full of Ritz crackers. I also made myself down a spoonful of Jif. For the protein you know?

I wasn't hungry any more.

But then I don't eat to be full these days. Just to not be hungry.

Still, I couldn't stop thinking about how great it would be, if one, really could, exist on a meal of Redi Whip.

For heaven's sake! They can send a man to the moon! Why can't they find a way to take something as lovely as Redi Whip and give it all the nutrients and goodness of a full meal, without changing the taste, or texture? And at the same time keeping the calories to a reasonable amount.

I wonder if there is anyone even working on such a thing?
I doubt it. They're all wasting their time on things like, cures for cancer.

Hold your angry comments That was just a JOKE!


I decided that I would engage in a little wishful thinking and come up with a menu for those, like me, who find the idea of a can of Redi Whip for dinner extremely appealing. This would all be on the assumption of course that the appropriate nutrition could be pumped into any junk food type item without changing it's taste, texture, smell or appearance.

For your wishful thinking pleasure, I present a sample of what I would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner in my own little, culinary, fantasy, world.

Breakfast; half a can of Redi Whip accompanied by a small belgian waffle loaded with fresh, sugar sweetened, strawberries. (See? that's not too unreasonable)

Mid Morning Snack: two cups of peanut M&Ms

Lunch; Dairy Queen, Mr Misty Blue Raspberry Float (have you ever had one? You simply MUST) and four, no, make that, six Oreo cookies

Mid Afternoon Snack; half a BIG box of either Jujyfruits or Starbursts and a few more squirts of Redi Whip

Dinner; Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae, and a small bucket of Movie Theater Popcorn with EXTRA butter

Dessert; Hey, even I am reasonable enough to pass on dessert.

Late Night Snack; Triple Chocolate Hot Coco topped with (DUH????) a generous mound of. . . . . .



REDI WHIP!