American Idol-One Over Ripe Banana

As I have stated before, I am an American Idol fan.

However. . . .

I am NOT a fan of all the stupid ways they come up with to stuff the show.

Stuff it beyond recognition, that is.

I don't give a flying fig about the contestant's families. I couldn't care less about hearing all of their "heartwarming" back stories. I don't want to meet the parents. Or the spouses. Or the children.

I don't give a rip if they came from such a small town that it only has one stop light, one gas station and the closest drive through is twenty miles south.

And I absolutely DO NOT CARE if they have overcome hard times, grown up in poverty, or overcome childhood illness. I really don't need to hear how they came to this country at the age of ten and their (oh so brave) family had to start from scratch.

BIG FLIPPIN' DEAL!!!!!!

If I want to watch that mushy gushy crap,
if I want my heart (and mind) manipulated (which, trust me, I don't) I'll watch Lifetime or the Hallmark Channel.

I just want to see and hear people sing.

Is that really asking so much?

It is a singing contest isn't it?

It really steams my vegetables that they have to keep the songs so short that it seems they just barely get a good momentum worked up and POOF the song is over.

Last night was a TWO HOUR LONG SHOW!

Twelve contestants.

That means six per hour.

Even taking into consideration commercials and of course the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, from the judges, there should have been at least three and a half minutes for each singer to do justice to their song of the week.

Instead, we are treated to. . . . . Even more

boring,

cloying,

gee don'tcha just feel the love,

mind numbing,

Family background drivel on EACH and EVERY one of the contestants.

Why do we put up with it?

Or more importantly, why am I putting up with it?

I realized last night that out of the twelve performances there were only maybe three of them that I actually enjoyed.

Then I realized that I can watch those same performances on You Tube, almost immediately afterwards.

I don't have to watch that nasty, can't keep his big fat hands to himself, egomaniac, Mike Lynche.

I don't have to suffer through another pathetic song by "How the hell did she end up there in the first place" Katie Stevens.
Ditto that for Tim Urban, Didi Benami and Lacy Brown.

And sorry Andrew Garcia, you really did bring the house down with your super cool audition rendition of Paula's "Straight Up", but it appears that you are the closest thing to a One Hit Wonder that American Idol has ever produced.

I've decided that it's just not worth my time to sit through roughly 50 minutes of WINDBAGGERY for a fleeting few minutes of way too short, Payoff.

Crystal Bowersox, you are amazing.

I hope you come out ahead. I hope you put out a CD, and I hope that "said CD" has your incredible version of "Long As I Can See The Light" on it.

And I hope,

for your sake,

I really, truly,

hope,

you don't win.

I think you are way better than that.

It would absolutely break my heart to hear you sing some asinine song about rainbows and taking chances that Kara Diogaurdi, will no doubt write and force the winner to sing.

Come to think of it maybe it would be fitting for someone awful like "Big Mike Lynche" to win and be forced to start his pathetic career with another horrible American Idol "Winners" song.

And of course I'm sure that there will be another "Idol Gives Back" episode this year that I will need to avoid at all costs.

Yeah.

As if THAT'S not one of the most painful 2 to 3 hours of bloated, gosh-isn't-this-just-the-most-generous-forced-feel-good-TV-event, ever, thought up by TV execs.

I really do hate to give up a show that I thought I was a fan of.

I just can't take any more of the pointless, mindless, blathering and idiotic, time wasting filler just so Fox can make the most of their advertising dollars each week.

If,

and I know that this is one big

IF,

but if,

things change,
and
the show decides that it really is a singing show after all
and
decides to get rid of all of the fluffy "how well do you REALLY know this years contestants" filler claptrap, crap.

Well, give me a shout and I'll come back and become an American Idol fan once again.

Of course, I do realize that if this really, truly, is, Simon's last year, that there most likely won't be enough of the show left to amount to anything next year anyway. In which case i would just be delaying the inevitable.

And I try to never do that.

So good bye American Idol.

You are a textbook example of how Hollywood can NEVER, EVER, leave anything good alone.

I can only assume that 150 years from now you will be a nice little footnote in a chapter, on the Demise of "American Pop Culture at the turn of the Twenty First Century" in some first year Anthropology student's textbook.

Oh to be a fly on the wall of that classroom.