My friend Phyllis.

I have a very dear friend. She is in her eighties, and I have known her for close to 27 years. Her name is Phyllis Rose, and she is one of my favorite people. We have always been quite fond of each other, but what has made our friendship grow so strong, was that until a year ago, we were visiting teaching partners. We were partners for close to four years, maybe even a little bit longer.

My memory is always foggy when it comes to measuring time.

For those of you who are thinking, "What on earth is a visiting teaching partner"? I shall explain.

I think that most of my blogging friends know that I am LDS, or more commonly known as a Mormon.

Our church is a highly organized institution.

One of the things that we do to keep track of people, in our Wards, who may be in need, or who might need a sounding board or even just a shoulder to cry on, is to send out what we call visiting teachers. The women's group in our Church is called the Relief Society. Our purpose is to build a strong sisterhood with each other and to reach out to those members who may be less active, or house bound, sick or disabled.

The one thing you can say about we Mormons is that we try to take care of our own.
Of course after that we also reach out to our communities and give a hand wherever there is a need.
As part of helping the Relief Society to be aware of each sister's needs; emotionally, spiritually, physically or temporally, we are paired up with another sister from our ward and then assigned a few sisters each, to visit every month.
I realize that to some non Mormons this might sound a little pushy or Big Brotherish, but our intention really is to look after the welfare and well being of each woman in our ward.

Oh, one more thing. As I said our Church is very organized. Each ward has a Relief Society President. Each President has two counselors and a secretary. So when it comes to things like, who will be partnered with who, and who will visit who, it is the job of the RS Presidency to make all these assignments.
We don't just decide, "well I really like "Karen" so I will be partners with her, and I really like, "Martha, Jane and Sophie" so we will visit them".

If it was that way, people would never really get to know one another outside of their own little circle of friends. And new people would probably be ignored and left out.

Like I said, organized.

Okay, I think that pretty well explains what a visiting teaching partner is. That is how Phyllis and I, who had always really liked each other, became such close friends.

We were a perfect match actually.

She had failing eyesight, and didn't drive anymore, I drive everywhere. I am a huge procrastinator and never get around to calling our sisters and making appointments for visits. Phyllis was born to be organized and on top of things like that.
She called and made appointments (a lot more work than it sounds, trying to match our schedules around theirs, it can be more work than a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.) So, I would drive and also I would give "the lesson". The lesson is more of a short positive thought. And to make it easier for us, a visiting teaching good thought, is printed every month in our church magazine "The Ensign."

How's that for organization?

Alright now, I believe that is sufficient background as to how Phyllis and I became such close friends.

Well, a little over a year ago, Don, Shawn and I started going to our new Ward. (Oh brother, I just realized; MORE explanation needed.) We had actually lived in our current ward for over two years, we just hadn't made the change yet because we weren't sure how Shawn would react to being in a different ward than the one he had been in all his life. Last November, ward boundaries had been changed, the ward we knew was basically cut in two. Resulting in a ward that was pretty much a new ward, with quite a few people gone, and a lot of people that were new. We figured that this was a great time to make the switch and start attending the ward whose boundaries we actually lived in.

Okay, NOW, I can sink into my story.

Phyllis knew that I was leaving our old ward to go to the ward that we were really supposed to be in. She was so sad that she would no longer have me for a partner. I was sad as well. We had worked so well together and had gotten so close that I just couldn't imagine going Visiting Teaching without her.
I loved her so much and I made up my mind that even though we were not going to be in the same ward anymore, that I would go visit her at least once a month. I knew how important those visits would be for her. Like I said, she can't drive anymore, and her health is really slipping away.

Fast forward to last week.

Here it is the Christmas season. I know it's the Christmas season because I have been so busy, shopping, shopping and more shopping. I also had a few parties to attend, and then just all the other things I do in a month.

The week before last, I started thinking about Phyllis. I'm really ashamed to admit this, but I had never gone to see her once. I had thought about it from time to time, but I just kept putting it off, or just plain forgetting her all together.

To add to my shame, I had even received two cards from her, over the last year. One last Christmas and then one for my birthday in June.

I know, I know, I. Am. Pond. Scum.

Well the feeling that I should go see her just kept growing stronger and stronger. So this last Tuesday, I made a firm commitment to go see her. I didn't want to go empty handed, so I first went to Target and got a cute little Christmas gift bag, and filled it with chocolates, a sweet little Santa Claus kitchen towel and a few other nice little things.

And then, I went to see her.

I was so excited that I would see my old friend again. I knocked at the door. It took a while so just to be sure I also rang her doorbell. It took a little bit longer, but I reminded myself that she moved pretty slowly.
After just a little wait, she slowly opened her door. I greeted her. She wasn't sure who it was at first.

Her sight that had been bad a year ago had diminished even more.

When she realized it was me, she smiled so big and was so excited, that I knew I had done the right thing. She said that she had thought it was me, but she wasn't sure since it had been so long since she had heard from me that she thought I had forgotten her.
Keep in mind this was NOT said in a scolding way at all. She said it so humbly that I knew it was just her being completely honest.

She invited me in so eagerly. I went in and sat down close to her. She had her curtains closed and her lamps were mostly turned off.

It made me so sad to realize that she had just been sitting there, by herself, all alone in the dark. "Oh Susan, I'm so happy to see you! Here let me turn some of these lights on so I can see you better" These were such sweet words that I was immediately choked up. She was so happy I was there.

She held onto my hand with her own, frail, practically transparent, hand.

She held on as if she never wanted to let me go.
She told me over and over how much she loved me, and I told her just as many times that I loved her right back.

We talked for quite a while. Reminiscing about old times and the people that we both knew. I felt so bad because I hadn't set aside as much time to spend with her as I should have. Courtney was expecting me to take her to do a few things and then drop her off at work.

Actually, she was right outside sitting in the car.

It was running with the heater on of course. But I knew I needed to get back out there before too long.

I felt so sorry that I hadn't orchestrated the visit better, so that I could have stayed as long as Phyllis would have liked me too. I finally told her about Courtney out in the van, waiting for me to come back out. She was so sweet and humble in letting me go. She told me to be sure and thank Courtney for sharing me with her.

I hugged her several times and kissed her on her soft cheek and her dear wrinkled forehead. She hugged and kissed me as well. I promised her that I would not give her any more cause to think I had forgotten about her. We both told each other several times how much we loved the other.

And then I gave her a final goodbye hug and kiss and headed out to my van.

Just as I left she told me that my visit was the very best thing that had happened to her the entire holiday season.

I've not stopped thinking about this visit since then.

The thing is, Phyllis has plenty of family. She has quite a few children and grandchildren in the area, and they are very good to her. They do a lot for her and she sees them often. Oh, also her oldest daughter also lives with her. So you see, I didn't really think that my neglect of her would be that big of a deal to her.

I have learned a really important lesson.

Just because you aren't family to the people who love you, just because you are not the only person they will ever have come for a visit, well I realize that those things make no difference sometimes.

If you love someone and they love you, then you have an obligation to that person no matter what.

I'm glad that I learned that while I still have some time left. I don't know how much longer Phyllis has on this earth. Her health has deteriorated so much in the last year.

She even told me that when I was no longer there to be her partner that she told the RS President that she was going to retire from visiting teaching. She said that without me she just didn't have the heart to do it anymore.

Well, that is my story. I hope to make good on my pledge I made to myself to go and see her at least once a month. I am still a procrastinator. I still can easily forget those things that matter the most. I'm just hoping that maybe, just maybe, writing this all down and sharing it with my friends will be the impetus that I need to keep my resolve strong.

To see Phyllis at least once a month. That is my goal.

Feel free, any time, to ask me if I have seen her this month or not. She was the one that kept me honest when it came to getting out to visit our sisters every month, and maybe my new blogging friends can help me to never forget this dear friend of mine who has enriched my life so very much.

Family, not family. Does it really matter where friendship is concerned?