Shawn's Yogurt Strategy

Okay, let me start this off with a quick bit of Long-Story-Short.

Shawn loves to go out.

As in, leave the premises (a.e. home) to go to the store (preferably Walmart, but Target and Fred Meyer are also highly prized)

I understand this little quirk of his pretty well, I get a little stir crazy if confined within the four walls myself, for too long. The problem (for Shawn, not for me) though is that I have also learned to appreciate the quiet, peace and relaxation, and coziness of a day spent entirely at home.

I've been trying to do this more and more lately.

Much to Mr. Shawn's distress, I should add.

Shawn has never been an apt student to the art of subtlety. Not that he doesn't try of course.
He also seems to have a pretty uncanny sense of those days when mom has decided to hunker down and not leave the house for any reason less than, oh, say, maybe, fire?

I know that he knows because, inevitably, he will start hovering around wherever I have stationed myself and he will start dropping his little hints.

Usually, he will start off by pointing out to me which day of the week it is.

Shawn: "Uh, mom, today is Tuesday."

Me: "Yes Shawn, you're right. Today sure is Tuesday."

In all fairness, I should explain that stating which day of the week it is, is a daily occurrence, and, in itself, not necessarily a key factor in one of his "I've got to get out of this house NOW" schemes. But it is also true that it is generally a pretty good starting point for him.

Now, if keeping me apprised of the day of the week is done in all innocence, it will usually be kept at that.

Shawn can go on his merry way, knowing that his job as the family up-to-dater is secure for yet another day.

But,

If this is simply the first salvo in his "must go to Walmart" plan, it will quickly be followed by the announcement of some household item that we are woefully falling short of.

Shawn: " Um, mom. Did you know that we are almost out of Zip Lock Quart Sized Storage bags?"

Me: "No we aren't, I bought a new box of them last week. I just put them away so that you wouldn't open them up before the box we are using is used up."

Poor Shawn.

I know how much these little "blocks" of mine frustrate him. I don't worry though.
He'll be back for round two in no time and usually with a far better researched "almost-out-of need" or two in his little arsenal.

Sometimes, he will hit gold, and discover something that we are not only "low" on, but completely OUT of.

I can only imagine his genuine glee upon discovering that there is not another piece of Smoked Ham to be found anywhere in the entire fridge.

Oh yes.

It's not everyday that he can come to me, to plead his case, with such a fully loaded quiver, as being completely out of a bare necessity like Ham.

Or,

milk,

eggs,

birthday candles,

bagels,

cream cheese,

or,

to be more specific,
such as what happened yesterday,

YOGURT!

Yes, even I have to admit, that running out of yogurt could have a devastating effect on the Sorenson household. Don eats yogurt, Kelly eats yogurt, I don't usually, but from time to time I will even imbibe.

And then there is Shawn.

Shawn loves yogurt. He has been known to eat up to three, little six ounce cups, of yogurtey goodness in a day. (Don't even get me started on how it used to be eight ounces) Yogurt is one of those handy little foods that can be eaten no matter what time of the day it is. It has become one of Shawn's favorite, go-to-foods for those annoying little between-meal-times when a little something is needed to "tide one over".

Side note; Shawn so likes the idea of "Tiding me Over" that sometimes I have to point out to him that, that Subway Meatball Sub, I just bought him at 6PM is not meant to "Tide him over", until dinner, but is indeed

DINNER.


Back to yesterday.

So, I am forced to admit that, yes, we do seem to be utterly and completely out of that, life sustaining substance, known as Yogurt. As a matter of fact it has been almost three days with no discernible traces of yogurt anywhere in the house.

Crap.

I did not want to go anywhere at all yesterday. I knew we were almost out of milk, I knew we were completely out of eggs, in fact I guess this is even kind of proof of the powerful force a yogurt shortage carries around here, because now that I think of it Shawn never once mentioned the lack of eggs or milk. Not once. It was strictly the lack of yogurt that he carried his entire case on.

The thought does occur of course that he may have strategically been saving those shortages to pry me out of the house today.

If so, then VICTORY is mine because I got plenty of milk as well as TWO cartons of eggs.

HA!

Take that Shawn!

Two can play at THAT game!!!

Well this is where the whole thing gets interesting.

If we are buying yogurt I usually head to Fred Meyer. We all like their store brand stuff and it's for a good price. (figuratively speaking of course) As we head into the store I ask Shawn where he plans to be. Home Entertainment is usually his favorite hot spot, but (as I have pointed out in previous Shawn posts) Health and Beauty (Health and Toiletries is more accurate a term, but, for some reason, Health and Beauty is the name that has stuck) is always a favorite place to spend an hour or two.

Amazingly enough he doesn't seem terribly interested in either of his favorite destinations. I suggest that he come with me and he agrees that this sounds like a good way to spend his time.

In retrospect, I wonder if it was with the intention to keep me away from those pesky eggs. No. I refuse to believe that. Shawn can't possibly be that devious.

Or could he?

I suggest that we make a beeline to the refrigerated dairy section so we can get the much needed yogurt. Shawn is in full agreement.

Okay, Dairy aisle.

Here we are at Yogurt.

I hold the cart, Shawn procures.

"Alright Shawn, first of all let's get 4 Pina Coladas". If I'm eating yogurt at all that is my flavor choice, Don likes P.C. too.
Showing a marked lack of enthusiasm Shawn reaches for and brings down 4 Pina Coladas.
Hmm, funny. He has liked that flavor well enough before.
Well, now to get to the real Meat and Potato flavors.

Me: "Okay Shawn, how about 4 Raspberries?"

Shawn: "I don't really like Raspberry."

What?

WHAT?

What on Earth does he mean by that? Raspberry has always been a clear favorite.

It continues,

Me: "Okay, how about some Stawberry Banana?" (my personal disfavorite)

Shawn: "No. No. I don't really like Strawberry Banana."

Weird. But then we ARE talking Strawberry Banana after all.

Me: "Well lets get 5 Peach, okay? I know that you and Kelly like Peach."


Shawn: " Yeah fine, for Kelly, I don't really like Peach."

It's now official, this yogurt picking is getting just plain weird.

We go to Strawberry Vanilla. Courtney's favorite, but she doesn't live here anymore so 2 or 3 should be enough. Shawn again points out that he's not a fan.

Blueberry? No. I don't like blueberry. (Since when. Quickly crosses my mind)

Just plain Strawberry?

Ditto.

Now we only have Vanilla left and since no one ever wants Vanilla we are basically done with all of the flavors. (For some reason Lemon and Lime, two flavors that I really like, are only in the sugar free form. Yech.)

I look at Shawn.

Shawn looks at me.

I think he knows that he has some explaining to do.

Me: "Shawn, what's going on here? How come all of a sudden you don't like any of these flavors?"

Shawn: "I don't know. I just don't like them."

Me: "But Shawn, you have been after me for the last two days to go get more yogurt. You've been bugging me practically hourly with the fact that we are OUT of yogurt. If you don't like yogurt any more then why have you been so upset that we are out of it?"

Shawn: (This said with a completely straight face) "I've been telling you that we are out of yogurt for everyone else. "

Uh Huh. . . . .

What else can I do but admit defeat.

Shawn's new altruism, for the welfare, of the greater good of his yogurt starved family members is, truly touching.

Am I being just a bit cynical?

Of course I am.

But,
to be perfectly honest,
I have to admit that I am impressed with Shawn's ability to take this little game of How-Can-I-Get-Mom-Out-of-The-House-Today strategy to such a high level. I'm going to have to sharpen my skills if I hope to be a match for this young man who has discovered that the needs of The Family, can be just as vital and earth-shattering as the needs of The One (The Shawn).

What's next on his little agenda?

We need to get more Reeses Peanut Butter Cereal for the next time Abbey and Lindsay are here?
We should maybe have an extra pair of socks for those times when Lorelai can't find the ones she took off the second she walked through the front door?

Where will it all end?

I am clearly going to have to start working on my A game if I ever again want to spend a nice quiet day at home.

As I get ready to finish off this post with a nice pithy little flourish, who should come up and stand behind me but. . . .

Yup.

You guessed it.

My

Mr.

Shawn.

Shawn: "I think today is Wednesday."

Me: "It sure is. Today is definitely Wednesday."

Shawn: "We still haven't gotten those new toothbrush heads for the Sonic Toothbrush yet, have we mom?"


IT




BEGINS!