Court Club Funnies

Whew. I feel almost like I am done with school. I thoroughly enjoyed writing my posts on each of my children, and according to my comments my small, little group of readers have enjoyed them too. But it almost felt like school assignments I had to get finished before I could do anything else. I have had so many things I have thought about writing about for the last two weeks. And now that I can, I am having, not exactly writers block, but it's hard to get into a different frame of mind.

Well, one of the things I have been interested in lately are the many observations I have made at the Tri-City Court club since Shawn (and every once in a while Courtney) and I have been going to exercise in the mornings.

We go to their Club Max.

This is a big room with circuit training machines that is meant for people, just beginning, or who just want a more relaxed atmosphere, without all the hard bodies in their tight revealing clothes making the rest of us feel inferior.

Yes, that about sums up Club Max.

Now about five years ago we had a membership to the Court Club and I first discovered Club Max then. I let the membership lapse because even though for about seven months I went pretty faithfully, I started letting things stop me and before you knew it I was down to going once a week and then, sadly once every two weeks. I would pick things up for a week or two but then I'd be right back to not going. After three months of not going at all, I gave up and didn't renew the membership.

Yes, I was a quitter.

Well fast forward to now. We get, through the Division of Disabilities, what are called "family support funds" for Shawn. Usually a couple thousand dollars a year to spend on Shawncentric activities. That is what pays for his Partners and Pals summer camp every year. Now to make a long story short, we don't ever use it all up because the guidelines are kind of tricky for what they will and won't pay for. However they have recently made nice with the Court Club (they had a contact with them before but there were, um, difficulties) So now we have a family membership at the Court Club paid for by Shawn's support funds.


Shawn is my new secret weapon to staying the course.

That would be my new exercising course. He has really taken to this working out thing, and in so doing has given me motivation to stick with it. Hello, guilt trip, if I don't get up and take him in the mornings.


Now about Club Max (from here on known as CM). The majority of the people that frequent CM are old people. They are for the most part friendly, diligent, pleasant people.

I have noticed several things about them though that I find somewhat amusing.

Now when you first start at CM, you meet with one of the CM trainers. There are probably five women who work up there as trainers, and they are all really great. They are very knowledgeable and helpful, friendly and quite competent in what they do.

When you go through your orientation with one of these trainers, they show you how to use each machine. They give you a big green card with a numbered picture of each of the machines on it. On this card they write down, your own personal settings, for each machine. This is so you can remember where you need to set it at so it will fit you best. They have clothespins with a little magnet on the back to use, so that you can bring your card along with you, by attaching it to whatever machine you are using.

I admit I am somewhat of a Maverick. I only used my green card for my first two times through the circuit. I mean, how hard can it be to remember what number to put the seat at on the leg lift machine.

Well most of these dear people (who have been going here for years, for some, for many months for others) apparently feel naked without their big green cards. They get them as soon as they walk in and carry them around the whole time they are there. I kept expecting them to stop getting their cards after a while, but no, they seem to have developed some kind of emotional attachment to them.

Now you may be thinking, oh, big deal, so they find security in a piece of green paper. Well let me tell you why it has started to irritate, no, that's too harsh, shall we say, interest me.

This is how the circuit works.

First of all you should do five to ten minutes of warming up on one of the aerobic type machines. I always use the recumbent bike because it is the only one that I can do with my bad knees.

Shawn likes the treadmill or the elliptical. In a tight spot (that means that these are both in use.) he will do the stair-stepper.

After a hearty warm-up you go to machine number one, which is the foot and leg pushy thing. (Sorry, I have no idea what any of these machines are actually called.)
Now I should mention that there are flashing lights. The green light flashes for 37 seconds. This is when you should be on the machine itself. Then the red light flashes for 27 seconds.

This is where we can run into problems.

You see in between machines, for 27 seconds, you are supposed to do aerobic activities. Riding the stationary bike, the rowing machine, you get the idea. The most common exercise that most people do is, step. That is because there is a step platform by each of the machines. Shawn does the step. I just walk in place (very quick walking of course, maybe even almost a jog). Of course no one really follows the flashing green and red lights. We are talking mostly old people here after all. But what is annoying is when one of them will put their green card on the next machine and then go off to do their aerobics. I should really say "aerobics", because more often than not, at least some of that time is spent visiting with the other old people.

Now please realize that I do not have a problem with old people visiting. But when they think that their green card is somehow supposed to save their place for four or five minutes, while they visit then I get a little bugged. I really don't have a problem with getting on a green carded machine if the owner of the green card has obviously no intention of using it any time soon. Shawn however, my boy, who somehow has decided that the green card is sacred, will not touch a machine if someones green card is attached to it. I try to tell him "Shawn, it's okay sweetie, you don't have to worry about it, just get on and use it." Most the time Shawn will just look at me like I have worms crawling out of my ears. Gee mom, don't you recognize the sanctity of the GREEN CARD? Well no I don't, actually, but my sweet little guy does.

Here is another thing I find amusing. Just amusing, not annoying this time.

Now keep in mind we are talking about old men here. Old men that were brought up in a time that didn't really appreciate women as authority figures. The trainers at CM are all women. Like I said, they are very useful in teaching you how to do the machines correctly.

One of the biggest rules of all the machines is to use slowish, steady movements.

You would never know that by watching the majority of the old men here. They seem to think they are in a race to see how many repetitions of each exercise they can do. On one of the leg machines for example, where the goal is to slowly pull the bar down as far as you can with your legs and even hold it for just a bit before slowly bringing it back up. You will see a man pumping as fast as he can. It's this way for every machine. It frustrates me to see these dear old men (and most of them really are dear old men) putting in so much effort and not realizing that they are not getting much out of it.

I have a theory on why this is.

First of all, I think they feel more manly doing it this way. Second though, is what I really think the problem is.

Old men don't like to be told what to do by younger women.

I realize that might sound controversial or age-est, and I realize this might apply just to the old men that happen to frequent Tri-City Court Club.

But here is what I think and why.

When these guys come in for the first time to CM, they of course go through an orientation.

This orientation is conducted by a woman.

For an hour these guys are being told and shown what to do by this woman. She writes all their settings on their green card. (That was one thing that even bothered me, not getting to write on my green card myself. I don't like middlemen.) I think, that for a certain generation of men, this must be just a little bit demoralizing. Their only way to fight back is to do the machines their own way.

The Macho Way.

I have proof, of course, to support my theory.

Now if I, or any of the women (young or old) or the few younger guys (Shawn for instance) are blatantly doing a machine wrong, one of the trainers will quickly try to make their way over to us to show us our mistake.

I like this and consider it quite helpful.

If, or I should say, when, an older man is messing up, do the trainers rush over and correct them? No, they do NOT! They ignore it completely. I think these are pretty smart women and they know that there is only so much the fragile (older) male ego can take. I think this is really quite decent of them. And if the old men aren't really getting the best work-out they can get, well at least they are being physically active.

And that beats the rocking chair on the porch any day.