The "R" word

This is something I have been thinking about doing a post on since I first started my blog.

First I will start off with some wisdom from William Shakespeare

"A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet"

I believe this is generally interpreted to mean, that no matter what you call something, it doesn't change what the thing is.

Lately there have been quite a few times, when I have heard people refer to what they call, the "R" word.

They are talking about the word retarded.

The fear they have of this word goes to the point of ridiculousness. My son Shawn is mentally retarded. He is one of my most beautiful blessings. He truly brings me joy. Then I have my beautiful, precious little grandaughter Elisabeth. Among the many problems this sublime little girl has, she is also mentally retarded.

When Shawn was a baby, it was obvious that he was different. As he reached the age of six it became necessary for him to have a "label". The school system requires children getting special services to have an actual diagnoses to show that they are in need of the help they are receiving.

Shawn is autistic, but he is also mentally retarded.

From the time he was two he went to the "Developmental Center". They are such a wonderful organization. The teachers are all some of the most beautiful and loving people you could ever hope to meet.

They also have one of the hardest jobs you could ever imagine.

The difficulty lies, not in their work with the children, no that is where they have their pure delight.

The problem these dear people dread facing are the Parents of these special children.

Parents who, for whatever reason, have a hard time accepting their precious children for what they are.

Parents who are offended at the most harmless question or remark.

Parents who are firm believers in the new, so called "sensitivity".

Those parents do NOT want to hear that their children have anything wrong them. They are offended at even the suggestion that their child is not normal.

This has always amazed me. Why on earth are their children even at a place like the Developmental Center if their child doesn't need help.

I was never afraid of words like Mentally Retarded or Autistic.

As far as I was concerned Shawn was absolutely perfect as he was.

Labels like "differently abled" or "developmentally delayed" always annoyed me because they were so broad and vague and therefore, to my way of thinking, meant next to NOTHING.

If your child is retarded then he is retarded. There is absolutely NOTHING disgraceful or dirty or shameful in being this way.

I like accuracy.

If something is blue then it is blue. If something is tall then it is tall.

I feel that when people call the word "retarded" a horrible word, and diminish it to the "R" word, then they are, as well, diminishing my wonderful, beautiful, creative, friendly, happy and completely perfect son Shawn.

That is what I find offensive.

Are they saying that my grandaughter Elisabeth and my son Shawn are too disgusting as they are, so we have to call them something different to reduce the shame of who they are?

That offends me like nothing else ever could.

The reason that people see the word retarded as such a bad word is because for as long as I can remember it has been used in such negative ways.

Ignorant people, use the word to describe anyone or anything, they don't like. They feel that calling someone a Retard is one of the worst insults they can sling at a person.

I grew up during the Sixties and early Seventies.

Back then society was so backwards that it was generally considered good to separate mentally retarded children from the so called "normal" kids.

I won't even get started on how wrong and stupid this was.

One of the results of treating these incredible people as cast offs, was that everyone saw them as worst than even second class.

Even today, there are so many ignorant, small minded people who still slander the word retarded.

Do you want to know something that really upsets me?

I never let Shawn hear me use the word when talking about him. And do you want to know why?
Because most of the times that he has heard the word it has been when he is out with his ARC friends doing fun things around town.

Believe it or not there are still people who are so stupid and small that they think it's fun to try and attack those who are different than themselves.

I'm afraid that if Shawn heard me tell someone that he is Mentally Retarded, that he would shout out "Take that back. I am NOT!"
Not because he understands what the word means. No, it's because he has heard it used by foul, filthy, idiotic, people as an insult.

As a consequence he doesn't really understand that the "R" word is nothing more than a word that describes a particular way of being.

People who just happened to be born a little differently than the majority.

People who are beautiful in every way.

People who, if you show them even the slightest bit of interest, will love you immediately.

People who are too perfect and pure to hold to their grudges.

People who don't understand why they are being treated so poorly by those whom they only want friendship from.

People who have so much to offer the world.

If only the world would slow down enough to give them half a chance.

There is NOTHING wrong with the word when it is used appropriately. That is unless you see something wrong with people who happen to be mentally retarded.

If that is the case then all I can do is offer you my sympathy for being a hopelessly ignorant, human being.

On the other hand if you feel the love for these most special people that I and millions of others do then please try to stop seeing the word for their condition as a "bad" word.

It's just a word.

A perfectly acceptable word when used in it's proper context.
The word itself means; to hold back, to slow the progress of, slow or limited intelligence.

I see absolutely nothing in that description to be ashamed of.

Maybe they can't do math, or read, or understand how to play board games. Maybe they can't even talk or run and jump.

So what?

The things they can't do are such an insignificant problem when compared to all that they excel in.
They can love longer and stronger.
They can look at you without judgment.
They know how, better than most, to enjoy even the simplest pleasure.

The only tragedy I can possibly see in these most special of people is that we can't be more like them.

If you are one of those who see the word retarded as a bad word, I suggest you look at your reasons for this.
If it's because you have heard others denigrate it and insist on using more pleasing euphemisms, then why don't you ask them what there is to fear from using the proper word.
By refusing to use the "R" word, in my opinion, you are refusing to accept my son and grandaughter for who they are.

I guess if you don't agree with me there isn't much I can do about it.

But for me and the others who think like me, I am taking the "R" word back.