The Curious Case of the Jumbo Bag of Peanut M&MS

It's no big secret that I am a candy lover.

(Something I'm trying to conquer btw)

I enjoy a wide variety of sweets, but chocolate has been a favorite indulgence my entire life. Nothing ground breaking there of course, who doesn't love chocolate?

Umm, my daughter Courtney for one. But, I digress.

A few weeks ago we received the latest Costco Coupon book in the mail. It didn't have a coupon for the 8-pack-of-300-count-box-of-Kleenex I was hoping for (hopefully next time) but it did have another one of my favorite and most highly valued coupons I've come to expect every third time or so.

2.50 off a bag of M&Ms limit 2

Ahh yes. Nothing like saving five bucks on approximately 120 ounces of sweet, crunchy, candy coated, chocolate heaven.
I got one bag of peanut and one of plain.
I tend to favor peanut slightly more, I have to admit, but sometimes the simplicity of a handful of plain M&Ms can fulfill that craving for chocolate like nothing else on Earth.

Okay, 10:26 that evening.

Two, as yet unopened, nicely discounted, jumbo sized, bags of M&Ms sitting there on my dresser.

Were they calling my name?

Of course they were. And the fact that I was headed in to my bathroom to brush my teeth before hitting the sheets did not escape my mind. I decided that a small handful of Peanut M&Ms before I brushed my teeth wouldn't really hurt anything.

I opened the big, yellow, bag. I took probably 7 umm, fine, 12 of those tasty little morsels.

Chew, chew. . chew. . . . chew?

What the . . . . . .

Something was not right with those Peanut M&Ms.

They were chewy. They were soggy. They were not the same chocolaty treat that I have been enjoying for most of my 53 years.

It was like someone had bag-jacked my newly acquired, jumbo bag of Peanut M&Ms and filled it with, what I can only guess. . . . generic, candy coated chocolate pieces, must taste like.

(I have always wondered about those strange imitators. Who on earth would buy fake M&Ms???????)

I went back to the bag and took out a few more. This time I dug to the bottom. (As if that would make any difference.) Yuck, yuck and

YUCK!!

Going against every natural instinct I've ever had, I threw that handful of those (so called) Peanut M&Ms AWAY.

Needless to say, sleep did NOT come easy that night. I couldn't stop thinking about what on earth had happened to M&Ms. Why would they change a formula that was perfect. Was the M&M/Mars company so hurt by the current economy that they had come up with a new recipe for M&Ms that saved money.

This isn't as ridiculous as it may sound.

I KNOW that the cream inside Oreos has been changed. The truly subversive thing is that it seems every other bag of Oreos I buy, the creamy white filling tastes pretty much like it always has. But then I will buy a bag and there is a definite difference in taste and texture.

I also know that my once loved JUJYFRUITS changed their formula several months ago. I can't describe the difference other than they now taste watery. Needless to say I've kicked my Jujyfruits habit.

Okay, back to my M&Ms problem.

Like I say, I did not sleep well that night. This is slightly embarrassing to admit to but hey, this is for posterity after all. I think I must have spent close to two hours coming up with a contingency plan. I was going to go to Walmart, Fred Meyer, Target and maybe even Walgreens and buy up as many bags of M&Ms as I could.

I figured that most stores had not yet been infiltrated by these new inedible M&Ms. I was going to secure for myself at least a year's supply of the old ones. I was even deliberating over the best methods to make them last. At one point I was almost ready to get up out of bed and draw up an M&Ms consumption chart.

I realized that I would most likely be called upon at some point to share.

I decided it would only be with immediate family. (Yes, of course that included my grandchildren. What kind of a monster do you think I am.)

I don't really remember when or how I fell asleep. But I know that my last conscious thought was that I would call the 800 number on the bag as soon as I woke up.

And I did.

As I sat there wading through all of the different options, (You know, that sweet computer voice that tries so hard to not let you talk to a REAL person) I reminded myself to stay calm. Funny how you can manage calm and rational much easier in the light of day than at 11:45 at night.

I actually got through to someone pretty quickly. A pleasant young woman named Angie. I was a little flustered at first. I realized that I should have planned my strategy before I got to a real person.

What to do? What to do?

Do I start out by demanding answers? Do I ask why on earth the M&M Mars Company has messed with perfection. Or do I take the sympathy, sob story route. Hmm.

I settled for middle ground.

I simply told Angie that I had been to Costco the night before and had bought 2 bags of M&Ms. I described their taste and texture. And then I ended with a short, heartfelt plea, to change the formula back to how it was.

I was asked if I had the bag close by.

I did.

I was asked to give her all of the pertinent numbers on said bag.

I did.

A few moments of silence followed.

Oh Please, Oh Please, Oh Please!

Angie got back to me a few minutes later. With some interesting news, AND some really good news. She gave me the interesting news first. Apparently, the bag of Peanut M&Ms I had in my possession should never have been sent out.

Yet.

They had only been manufactured the week before. They needed time to ripen. Yes you heard me right. THEY WERE NOT RIPE!

She promised me that the recipe for M&Ms had not been changed. There is however a ripening process that takes a couple of months before they are shipped out to stores all over America to be enjoyed by people like me. She told me the best thing to do with my, way too fresh, jumbo sized bags of M&Ms would be to put them somewhere preferrably cool and dark and let them sit for about 6 to 8 weeks.

Who KNEW!?!

Now for the really good news. She told me that she would be sending me several coupons to make it up to me for having been unfortunate enough to have gotten my hands on a couple of bags of unripe M&Ms. The coupons came less than a week later. There were two 5 dollar ones, good for any M&M/Mars products and then two 1 dollar ones.

WOW! Twelve dollars in coupons! Was it wrong of me to feel like I had just hit the M&Ms JACKPOT? I decided. . . .

absolutely not.

I had bought them from Costco in good faith. I had spent a sleepless night. Damn right I should get some kind of compensation.

So that's my story.

I hope that you will remember this if you ever end up with your own unripe bag of M&Ms. As for me, I am almost finished with my last big bag that I got with one of those 5 dollar coupons.

The (sweet) End

Ten Things

#1. Ya know it's not really do-able to eat an orange and type at the same time. Well at least not if you care about such things as avoiding a sticky, wet keyboard.

#2. Matt Damon. I've always found him adorable. All of a sudden though he has left cute behind and become just plain. . . . . .

HOT and SEXY

enough said.

#3. I seem to be on a DARK Chocolate kick right now. Ten thumbs up for Lindt Super Dark Chocolate Truffles.

Need I say more.

#4. I think maybe I complained too early. The Scotty kid on American Idol is actually showing a little bit of promise. It will be interesting to see how he does in other musical genres.

#5. Who in her right mind spends 250 bucks on an ipod classic with capacity for up to 60,000 songs and then stuffs it into a drawer in her sewing room because she has NO IDEA how to use the damn thing.

#6. Umm. . . That would be me.

#7. I still have the receipt. Do you think I should take it back?

#8. Will someone please come clean out the litter box. Because, no, I don't do cat s--t.

#9. Hey David, did you see that HGTV is now having an UGGHH

MANCAVE giveaway?!?

#10. Ya know the whole "Tree Falls In The Forest Philosophy Scenario"?
Well. . . . if I keep my bedroom door shut because I don't feel like making my bed does anyone CARE????

Sometimes it's good to be wrong

I've been an American Idol fan for, I think, the last four years. I had watched parts of the seasons before then but I never really got into it.

And then last year it was announced that Simon would be leaving the show.

Which means that Randy Jackson would be the only original judge left. I figured that the show would perhaps stagger through one more season as it gave into a slow, agonizing, when will they put it out of it's misery, death.
I definitely wasn't going to give it the honor of my viewership.

My how things can change.

Due to the fact that there are so few shows on that I want to watch anymore, I decided to tune in at least once to see how much of a travesty it had become. And guess what? I LIKED IT! Even though I've always been an Aerosmith fan, I didn't really have much exposure to Steven Tyler as a person. I always thought of him as a typical, egocentric, slightly sleazy, rock star who had only one thing on his mind. (Besides music that is)

I can't believe how completely wrong I was.

He is strong, caring, motivational, even, dare I say, paternal. He speaks his mind, letting those without a shred of talent know that they better have a good day job, without resorting to mean and nasty. As for those who have true talent, whether polished or diamond in the rough, he is very helpful and supportive.

Why on earth did I ever think that Simon had it right?

And then there is Jennifer Lopez. I've always liked her. And in this platform I absolutely LOVE her. She is every bit as kind and encouraging as Paula ever was, but in a more realistic way. She doesn't have Paula's "Flake Factor". She comes across as a really sweet, cool, nurturing, big sister.

All together, I feel that the show has a brand new energy, and promise.

It certainly doesn't feel old and stale anymore.

I also think that there are some really talented contestants as well. Hopefully they will be winnowed down appropriately this year. One in particular that I want to see shown the door, is this kid, with a deep baritone voice named Scotty (the kid not the voice) who has apparently perfected his imitation of Country singer Josh Turner's song "Be Your Man".

(I swear, if I have to hear. . . Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low, one more time.)

Talk about your One Trick Pony.

All in all though, I am so enjoying this season of American Idol. I hope that if any of you who used to watch the show but have given up on it due to the various lame strategies it has employed over the last few seasons, will give it another watch.

I think you will be pleasantly surprised!

Happy Birthday Kelly!!!!!

Quick!

Who is blonde. . .

Very good looking. . . .

A college student. . . .

Still living at home, but that's okay because he is after all. . . .

A college student. . .

Really smart and creative. . . .

A writer. . . .

Plans to spend the day at the movie theater watching at least three new films. . . .

And then later have a date with me for dinner at Red Lobster. . .

Because he turns 29 today. . . .

My son Kelly!!!!

Love you much you Middle Child you!!!!!!

What goes around comes around. . Sometimes

Hi Folks! I know I should sit myself down and churn out a nice new post for my faithful readers. But I honestly seem to have hit a dry spell. So, I thought to myself;
"Self, what's the point of having all those old posts that you spent hours on if you can recycle one of them now and then."
I decided to go through my circa 2009 blog files looking for a post that got a lot of comments. This one fit the bill. So yes it is a re-run. But if you weren't with me in 2009, it could be new to you.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading it again. Can anybody ever really get enough of news that is as true as it is stupid?
So here you are. A nice, thought provoking, semi-old, (but still fairly fresh) post.

Enjoy!

Today in the paper, I read a story, about a Funeral Home being shut down because an employee had to cut a dead guy's legs off to get him to fit in the coffin his family had bought for him.

Now I realize that to the average Joe this might come across as a little gruesome. The problem wasn't so much that he had cut the guy's legs off, it was that he hadn't gotten the family's permission to do it.

Here's the thing.

The dead guy was 6 foot 7. I think we can all agree that he was quite tall.
So why on earth would the family have thought they could go the cheap route with a standard size casket if they

A. Knew he would be too long for it. And. .

B. Didn't realize that the only way to squish him in there, would have been to cut either some off his top or his bottom.

I think the dead guy's family would have REALLY blown their tops if funeral boy, had gone with the head and neck instead of the legs and feet.

And amid all of this I just can't help but wonder,Who Cares Anyway!?!

Well, apparently the State of South Carolina does. The Funeral Home has been shut down. Not necessarily because they cut off the guy's legs, but that they did it without his family's permission!

That's right.

The same family that didn't even think to ask if a 6 foot 7 inch tall man would actually fit into a standard size casket.
Which, by the way, happens to be 84 inches long.

That's true.

I did research.

Okay, if this is all that had happened it would be a semi-funny, but kinda creepy, typical news story.
But wait, there was more.
It appears that in the State of South Carolina it is against the law to cut up a corpse.
That is of course unless the family has actually agreed to it. If there is consent then they can cut the dead to fit in whatever casket they want to use.

I assume that means within reason.

I doubt if it would be allowed to cut someone in half so that they could fit into that pretty little (and slightly cheaper) casket meant for a ten year old.
Alright, so we now know that cutting a dead person up without permission
is a crime in SC.

But here comes the really ridiculous part.

The standard sentence for the guilty chopper is ten years. Ten Years!
Can you believe that?
There could possibly be someone in South Carolina's State Pen who's "crime" was cutting a few inches off a corpse to make him fit in the casket the family had bought for him.

I can't believe that, with all the talk nowadays, about overcrowded prisons, that the courts would actually be stupid enough to use up a cell for some poor schlump who was only doing his job the way he thought best.

Granted ,the article did say that cutting up a corpse was the crime.

So I guess they could also be referring to the serial killer who's freezer is chock full of frozen fillet of human.
I guess it might be meant to cover more heinous crimes like that.

But I still think it's pretty stupid.

If someone has been caught with a chain saw and a bunch of fresh human parts, then I think it's pretty clear that what they have here is a really, bad, guy.
He should be facing the death penalty or at least the rest of his life in prison.
And the fact that he took his jollies in cutting up what he had just killed?

Well sure, I guess. Go ahead and tack on ten more years to his sentence.

But, if it happens to be some unlicensed Funeral Home worker, who forgot to ask the grieving family for their permission to make sure that Grandpa fits nicely in his too small coffin?

For heaven's sake.
Fine the guy a few hundred and get on with it.

Save that prison cell for someone who really deserves it.

Next time I'll just change the channel

This will be short and sweet. Well maybe not sweet. It is a bit of a rant after all.
Here Goes;
If I have to listen to one more moron on HGTV go on about his great need for a


MAN CAVE


I swear I will . . . . .

Oh hell, I probably won't really do anything. I am a grown up after all and, "I swear I will, blank blank blank blank. . ."
is really just a lame empty promise.
It just really makes me crazy to hear that imbecilic phrase.

MAN CAVE.

Geez.

Can anything be more stupid.

Just when you think this world is finally starting to understand that women are every bit as worthy as men, some idiot (I would love to know, just who, came up with the idea of a Man Cave in the first place) decides that poor, under served, put upon, discriminated against,
men,
need a place where they can go to let off steam. Where they can have all of their friends over and watch sports and be as foul and obnoxious as they want with NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Of course the true MAN CAVE can't be some small little nook. Heaven forbid if he can't stretch out and take up an entire floor with all of his stuff.
Never once do I hear a woman on any of these shows demand anything more than maybe an office. And that is generally one that she will share with her husband.
And don't you dare say that;

"A woman has her KITCHEN".

That is right up there with giving her a vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day.

Please don't misunderstand me.
I don't hate men. I love men. I'm married to one. I gave birth to three of them. In fact I am very proud of the fact that my only married son is a wonderful husband and father who is as "hands on" as he could possibly be. He treats his wife like the treasured Queen, that she truly is.

Just don't expect me to sympathize with those ego consumed men, who for whatever reason think that they and only they should have an entire downstairs family room devoted only to them.

Trust me guys. Women have just as much need for a place to unwind and unload at the end of a long day. Or week. So if you have been led to believe that you have some inalienable right to a room set aside just for you. That your needs and the pressures of life simply can't be dealt with without a place all your own, then go ahead and do it.

Right after you have first provided the same kind of room for the woman in your life!

Finding my way back

Something happened last week that I've decided to write down. It concerns my mother and Shawn.

I guess that makes it kind of profound.

You know, in the Blogging is a useful method of documenting the important moments of your life for posterity, way.

Well last week, partly to make it up to Shawn for so cold heartedly leaving him all alone for FIVE LONG DAYS,

Oh. Hold on. I realize an explanation is in order. . . .


Explanation: To Shawn's way of thinking if I am not here then he is. .

HOME ALL ALONE

It doesn't matter how many other responsible AIC's (adults in charge) happen to be on premises. If I am not here then my poor little waif of a sad, despairing, broken hearted, lonely Shawn is Home Alone.

So, to make it up to my funny little, long suffering guy, I let him come with me on Wednesday last, to do some grocery shopping and such.
I never have to ask him twice by the way, here is an example ;

Me: (at the bottom of the stairs calling up to Shawn) Oh Sha-awn?
Cue to the sudden sound of

thump
thump
thump
thump
thump
thump
thump

(that would be Shawn coming down the stairs as fast as his feet will carry him.)

Shawn: Yes Mom?!?!

Me: Hey, Buddy. Would you like to come to Walmart with me?

Silly, silly question. Shawn could be on his death bed and would still not turn down a chance to go Walmart with me.

Me: Well, get upstairs and get on your shoes (he is always barefoot in the house) and grab your coat and lets go.

thump
thump
thump
thump
thump
thump
thump

and a mere three minutes later (four minutes tops) he is right back down stairs and ready to go.

Now!

I realize that it is closing in on lunch time and that I haven't really had what could be thought of as a respectable meal yet for the day. I figure that Mr Shawn must be about ready for a little something as well.

Alright.

Lunch before shopping.

And, as luck will have it, the closest McDonald's is right next to the conveniently located Walmart just up the road.

I look in my purse to check my wallet for available funds. I like to know before hand if it will be cash or debit. I'm not sure why, but I first look in the non-wallet section of my purse.
This is the section of my purse I like to think of as No Man's Land. A collection of coupons, napkins, note pads, pens, various small trinkets that I really have no use for, a few wadded up napkins that I blew my nose with and haven't had a chance to throw away yet.

Don't JUDGE Me!

I look a little deeper because I see what looks like a white envelope. I pull it out and see Shawn's name written on it.
The realization of what I have in my hand suddenly hits me like a ton of bricks.

My mom for the last several years has gotten my children each a McDonald's gift card for Christmas. She handed them out on Christmas Eve to my kids, my grandchildren and my sister Janice's two children. I took Shawn's and put it straight away in my purse to keep it safe.
I had somehow completely forgotten about it until that moment when I fished it out of the jungle that is my purse.

Keep in mind that my mom had died, not even two weeks ago at this time.

I think I must have experienced at least ten different emotions in a span of maybe three seconds.
I was a little choked up as I turned to Shawn and said,

"Shawn. Guess what?"

I handed him the envelope and reminded him that Grandma had given it to him Christmas Eve night. Remember, I said, that I put it in my purse to keep it safe for you?

Of course he remembered.

I don't know if it occurred to him the significance that he was going to use the card that he had gotten from my mom before she died, not even a month later.

No, if he did he didn't let on.

He just grinned from ear to ear and said
"well, that was real nice of Grandma to give me this card, wasn't it"
"You bet it was" I said.
"really really nice."

I turned to him and told him that he could get whatever he wanted with that card.
I sometimes put the brakes on his ordering because he will want one of the biggest fanciest sandwiches,

BUT

No Lettuce
No Cheese
No Tomato
No Bacon
No Sauce

Basically what he ends up with is a very expensive plain burger or crispy chicken sandwich with only mustard.
When I have my way, what I will get him is maybe two McDoubles with only mustard.
I do have to give Shawn a little credit here.
Lately he has started to allow his sandwich to keep everything it comes with and after a few brave bites he pulls off the rest of the tomato.

Last Wednesday, with his "Grandma given" ten dollar McDonald's gift card in hand, I let him order whatever he wanted.

He got one of the outrageously priced crispy chicken sandwiches. In fact he (with a little urging on my part) made it a full meal.

We sat down to a lovely little lunch, courtesy of my mother. . . .

and. . . .

as Shawn chattered on about where he would be when we made it up the parking lot to Walmart,

I just sat there thinking. . .

of how funny

things can work out sometimes. . .

Yes, I sat there partly listening to my sweet boy

as I said,

another

silent,

loving

goodbye

to my mom.